But as time went on, the one great quality
which heredity and education, environment and means, had bred in both of
them--self-consciousness--acted in these two brothers very differently.
To Stephen it was preservative, keeping him, as it were, in ice
throughout hot-weather seasons, enabling him to know exactly when he was
in danger of decomposition, so that he might nip the process in the
bud; it was with him a healthy, perhaps slightly chemical, ingredient,
binding his component parts, causing them to work together safely,
homogeneously. In Hilary the effect seemed to have been otherwise; like
some slow and subtle poison, this great quality, self-consciousness,
had soaked his system through and through; permeated every cranny of his
spirit, so that to think a definite thought, or do a definite deed, was
obviously becoming difficult to him. It took in the main the form of a
sort of gentle desiccating humour.
"It's a remarkable thing," he had one day said to Stephen, "that by the
process of assimilating little bits of chopped-up cattle one should be
able to form the speculation of how remarkable a thing it is."
Stephen had paused a second before answering--they were lunching off
roast beef in the Law Courts--he had then said:
"You're surely not going to eschew the higher mammals, like our
respected father-in-law?"
"On the contrary," said Hilary, "to chew them; but it is remarkable, for
all that; you missed my point.
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