He is like a
ship at sea with a "sprung" mainmast. A side breeze may arise at any
moment which throws him all aback and upon his beam-ends. He runs
illegitimate risks, which are things much given to dragging at a man's
mind, handicapping his thoughts.
Paul suffered in this way. It was a distinct burthen to him to play a
double part, although each was innocent enough in itself. At school, and
later on at the 'Varsity, he had consistently and steadily suppressed a
truth from friend and foe alike--namely, that he was in his own country
a prince. No great crime on the face of it; but a constant suppression
of a very small truth is as burdensome as any suggestion of falsehood.
It makes one afraid of contemptible foes, and doubtful of the value of
one's own friendship.
Paul was a simple-minded man. He was not afraid of the Russian
Government. Indeed, he cultivated a fine contempt for that august body.
But he was distinctly afraid of being found out, for that discovery
could only mean an incontinent cessation of the good work which rendered
his life happy.
The fear of being deprived of this interest in existence should
certainly have been lessened, if not quite allayed, by the fact that a
greater interest had been brought into his life in the pleasant form of
a prospective wife. When he was in London with Etta Sydney Bamborough he
did not, however, forget Osterno.
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