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Anonymous

"The Best American Humorous Short Stories"

Half the
patrons of that theater are Southerners. They recognized it."
"Mr. Hargraves," said the Major, who had remained standing, "you have
put upon me an unpardonable insult. You have burlesqued my person,
grossly betrayed my confidence, and misused my hospitality. If I
thought you possessed the faintest conception of what is the sign
manual of a gentleman, or what is due one, I would call you out, sir,
old as I am. I will ask you to leave the room, sir."
The actor appeared to be slightly bewildered, and seemed hardly to
take in the full meaning of the old gentleman's words.
"I am truly sorry you took offense," he said regretfully. "Up here we
don't look at things just as you people do. I know men who would buy
out half the house to have their personality put on the stage so the
public would recognize it."
"They are not from Alabama, sir," said the Major haughtily.
"Perhaps not. I have a pretty good memory, Major; let me quote a few
lines from your book. In response to a toast at a banquet given
in--Milledgeville, I believe--you uttered, and intend to have printed,
these words:
"'The Northern man is utterly without sentiment or warmth except in so
far as the feelings may be turned to his own commercial profit.


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