If two
were quarrelling about a marble or a ball, I had only to go behind a
tree where I was concealed and look at them leisurely. Then the scene
changed, and no longer a green meadow with boys playing, but a spot
which I did not recognize, and forms that made me shudder or smile. It
was not a big boy bullying a little one, but a young wolf with
glistening teeth and a lamb cowering before him; or, it was a dog
faithful and famishing--or a star going slowly into eclipse--or a
rainbow fading--or a flower blooming--or a sun rising--or a waning
moon. The revelations of the spectacles determined my feeling for the
boys, and for all whom I saw through them. No shyness, nor
awkwardness, nor silence, could separate me from those who looked
lovely as lilies to my illuminated eyes. If I felt myself warmly drawn
to any one I struggled with the fierce desire of seeing him through
the spectacles. I longed to enjoy the luxury of ignorant feeling, to
love without knowing, to float like a leaf upon the eddies of life,
drifted now to a sunny point, now to a solemn shade--now over
glittering ripples, now over gleaming calms,--and not to determined
ports, a trim vessel with an inexorable rudder.
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