If, by ill luck, you see that this dangerous apartment communicates
with that of your wife by a back staircase, earnestly consult your
architect; let his genius exhaust itself in rendering this dangerous
staircase as innocent as the primitive garret ladder; we conjure you
let not this staircase have appended to it any treacherous
lurking-place; its stiff and angular steps must not be arranged with
that tempting curve which Faublas and Justine found so useful when
they waited for the exit of the Marquis de B-----. Architects nowadays
make such staircases as are absolutely preferable to ottomans. Restore
rather the virtuous garret steps of our ancestors.
Concerning the chimneys in the apartment of madame, you must take care
to place in the flue, five feet from the ground, an iron grill, even
though it be necessary to put up a fresh one every time the chimney is
swept. If your wife laughs at this precaution, suggest to her the
number of murders that have been committed by means of chimneys.
Almost all women are afraid of robbers. The bed is one of those
important pieces of furniture whose structure will demand long
consideration. Everything concerning it is of vital importance. The
following is the result of long experience in the construction of
beds. Give to this piece of furniture a form so original that it may
be looked upon without disgust, in the midst of changes of fashion
which succeed so rapidly in rendering antiquated the creations of
former decorators, for it is essential that your wife be unable to
change, at pleasure, this theatre of married happiness.
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