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?© de, 1799-1850

"The Physiology of Marriage, Complete"


What is the first course of a young girl after having purchased a
parrot? Is it not to fasten it up in a pretty cage, from which it
cannot get out without permission?
You may learn your duty from this child.
Everything that pertains to the arrangement of your house and of your
apartments should be planned so as not to give your wife any
advantage, in case she has decided to deliver you to the Minotaur;
half of all actual mischances are brought about by the deplorable
facilities which the apartments furnish.
Before everything else determine to have for your porter a _single
man_ entirely devoted to your person. This is a treasure easily to be
found. What husband is there throughout the world who has not either a
foster-father or some old servant, upon whose knees he has been
dandled! There ought to exist by means of your management, a hatred
like that of Artreus and Thyestes between your wife and this Nestor
--guardian of your gate. This gate is the Alpha and Omega of an
intrigue. May not all intrigues in love be confined in these words
--entering and leaving?
Your house will be of no use to you if it does not stand between a
court and a garden, and so constructed as to be detached from all
other buildings. You must abolish all recesses in your apartments. A
cupboard, if it contain but six pots of preserves, should be walled
in.


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