All this may not convey much, but you remember how you felt
when you first handled your father's car. Well, the car weighs about two
tons and the W---- a thousand, and she goes nearly as fast. You have to
bring your own mass up against another dock or oilship as gently as
dropping an egg in an egg-cup, and you can imagine what the battleship
skipper is up against, with 30,000 tons to handle. Only he generally has
tugs to help him, whereas we do it all by ourselves.
[Sidenote: Justifying one's existence as an officer.]
This war is far harder on you than on me. The drill, the work of
preparing for grim reality, all of it is what I am trained for. The very
thought of getting into the game gives me a sense of calmness and
contentment I have never before known. I suppose it is because
subconsciously I feel that I am justifying my existence now more than
ever before. And that feeling brings anybody peace.
MAY 1.
Back in harness again and thankful for the press of work that keeps me
from thinking about you all at home.
[Sidenote: Orders to sail.]
Well, we are going across all right, exactly where and for how long I do
not know. Our present orders are to sail to-morrow night, but there
seems to be wild uncertainty about whether we will go out then. In the
meantime, we are frantically taking on mountains of stores, ammunition,
provisions, etc., trying to fill our vacancies with new men from the
Reserve Ship, and hurrying everything up at high pressure.
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